When You Already 'Have a Therapist'

It isn’t unusual for people to seek me out, read the blog or the book,  watch the YouTube videos, attend my free workshops and proclaim: “But I already have a therapist”. I rarely respond to that, and of course encourage people to maintain a support system. But, here’s the thing - you can see a generalist therapist regularly and still work with a consultant or expert. This is particularly true if you are seeking attachment based E.M.D.R., timely advice or direction about a situation or if you need time-tested strategies to navigate a toxic relationship or high conflict divorce. Good therapy is framed by alliance and fit as well as continuity but it may not be sufficient in certain situations.  As a therapist myself, I would not hesitate to support a client seeking additional or expert guidance.

Over the years, I have referred people to vocational/career coaches, couple experts, psychologists who offer specific testing. It’s a big red flag if you are seeing a therapist and they lead you to believe that they can offer expertise in everything! If you feel like something is missing, questions haven’t been answered, or someone is simply out of their depth, it can make sense to find someone who can meet you where you are, and provide timely help. 

If you have been affected by narcissistic wounding, here are some ways consulting or working with an expert can be helpful:

1. Identifying the patterns quickly. You don’t need to spend sessions exploring your past- specific, pointed questions can help you to see where you may be stuck or where there is room for personal growth. 

2. Receiving feedback and confirmation quickly about people in your life. 

3. If you are in a high-conflict separation or divorce situation - consulting with someone who knows the strategies to effectively navigate that can be timely and save you legal fees and possibly court costs. Not to mention helping you go through the process with clarity and confidence. 

4. Evidence-based, time-proven strategies for navigating narcissistic abuse can be a beautiful complement to regular therapy sessions when you have clarity about what to focus on in your own healing journey. 

5. Work on specific ways to develop healthy boundaries when you need them the most. 

6. Crisis debriefing - if something bad happens, having the opportunity to debrief it in a timely meaningful way. 
   
   

When you are going through some sort of relational crisis I believe building community is much more helpful than simply finding people to confide in or to seek validation from. I can’t speak for all therapists, but I truly appreciate the opportunity to work collaboratively to help someone. 

Stacey Sanderson, B.S.W., M.A., R.S.W., R.P.