How to Tell if a Therapist is Narcissistic

Choosing to start therapy is nerve-wracking at the best of times, and leads us to feeling vulnerable until there is sufficient trust that develops. This trust takes time, and certainly more time than a ‘free 15 minute consult’. Indeed, sociopaths can be very charming in the first fifteen minutes of meeting them. This article is a difficult one to write, because we all want to believe that the helping professions are filled with honest, whole, healthy people. Unfortunately, nothing could be further than the truth. In fact, I believe that narcissism is more prevalent in certain occupations and psychotherapy/social work is certainly one of them. Having worked in health care for 25 years before starting my private practice I can confidently tell you that the nastiest, most unconsciously motivated people I have met are in my own profession.

Narcissists need to feel powerful, benevolent and being in these roles feeds this as well as their own grandiose need for ego supply.Narcissistic traits fall on a continuum, of course, and there are different levels of severity. The general characteristics though, will play out in the context of the careers of these individuals and they tend to wreak havoc on the organizations they join and the collegial relationships within them. The term ‘malignant narcissism’ generally applies because their insecurity and need to be sycophantic with management teams has a ripple effect on the organization as certain clinicians are isolated and targeted, and others become part of the toxic person’s inner posse. The question at hand though is how to know if your therapist has narcissistic traits. I will do my best to offer a client’s experience and perception of this, with my own direction.

1. First of all, what you will see will be similar to what we generally know to be true about narcissism. They appear false, fake or have a mask. Their facial expression may shift and change in unusual ways during your interactions with them. They may also speak in ways that are highly affected and use words in unusual ways ‘like word salad’.

2. They will not tolerate criticism or being questioned very well - and will become defensive

3. This one is KEY. They present themselves in person, and on-line with credentials and experience they have not earned or gained. Be sure to check their year of graduation and certification.

4. This next one is also KEY. They call themselves ‘healers’. No one is a ‘healer’ all by themselves, no one. This is misleading and blatant grandiosity.

5. They have questionable work experience. They may not have stayed at any organization very long and move from place to place. They also get bored easily and are always chasing the next credential, training, ways to look like they are at the top of the heap.

6. Watch body language. Narcissists tend to lift their chins up and look to one side. It is the embodiment of superiority.

7. They can be dismissive.

8. Their written work used flowery, or complex language - which of course may be A.I. in today’s world - but they tend to verbiage and inauthentic ways of communicating.

9. They steal, piggy-back on and appropriate other people’s work - because they are not creative in nature.

10. You may feel tired or drained in their presence.

11. They tend to set their fees on the higher end of the continuum - even if they don’t have the training and experience to qualify this. Paying more money does not always mean you get better service.

12. They like to associate with a certain echelon of people and are classic ‘name droppers’.

13. They will appear to enjoy your pain. (This is gross, but I’ve witnessed it.)

14.They are overly charming when you first meet them.

There may be some traits that I have missed. If you encounter this, don’t despair. You can seek other help in a way that makes sense for you. We are all human. There is a lesson here in how to be compassionate, but make decisions in your best interest.

Kindly,

Stacey Sanderson, B.S.W.,M.A.,R.S.W.,R.P.