Befriending Your Anxiety

In my therapy practice, many people seek help for what they consider to be ‘anxiety’. Generally, it is described as a vague unease, tension, worry and discomfort. It is commonly defined and understood as an ‘intolerance of uncertainty’ which affects us in the domains of thinking, feeling and physiology. As such, there is typically some sort of physical sensation that triggers a cascade of thoughts and emotions.  There is a fairly recent phenomenon of feeling this way being considered a pathological condition, as though this is something we as humans are not meant to feel. Much of this is what we clinicians refer to as ‘sub-clinical’ – meaning the array and severity of symptoms do not meet the criteria for a formal diagnosis of ‘Generalized Anxiety Disorder’. It may also be that it is considered to be that these people are part of the ‘worried well’. To be more specific these are people who do everything they need to do in their lives, but with a low-level amount of anxiety.  People are not always aware of how their level of stress contributes to these feelings of unease – and that those feelings are meant to alert us to a change in our homeostasis.

There are some things to consider when seeking a better understanding of anxiety. First and foremost, is it disrupting your life? Is it interfering with relationships, work, and enjoying things? I would add on here that anxiety can be an internalized response from childhood that becomes embodied over time. If you had reason to be fearful as a child, you may experience this  ‘anxiety’ as an adult.  There are a  number of different sub-categories of anxiety according to the American Psychiatric Association’s guide to mental health problems, the ‘Diagnostic and Statistical Manual’ (Fifth Edition).  Generalized Anxiety Disorder (G.A.D.)  is the one most people believe they have and includes pervasive worry, stomach upset, muscle tension or headaches.  It occurs in 3% of the population. There is also Panic Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder and the phobias.  And of course, there is some overlap in what people might experience. It is also important to remember that there is a developmental context for this and many people diagnosed with GAD, for example, experience some form of anxiety as a child. Also, any anxiety should only be diagnosed in absence of a major life stressor or trauma. If you believe you have these symptoms, consult with your primary care provider first, and then seek out help from a mental health professional. You may choose to track or journal your symptoms as a reference point. It is helpful to have a plan for treatment that may include medication, some form of psychotherapy or both. Most importantly, take a kind, compassionate observer approach to anxiety. Most of us are hard on ourselves when something doesn’t feel quite right. 

What I would like to propose is that we consider anxiety to also be a deeper part of our human experience. Can we look at our anxiety in a more integrative way?  For example, if you are anxious at the end of the day, perhaps you have not given yourself sufficient time to process your stress.  Do you have personality traits, such as perfectionism, or people –pleasing that create negative narratives in your mind?   Much of our worry ties back to the fear of making people angry or being rejected. There could also be fears about death or illness as underlying mechanisms for anxiety. How is the information that you are taking in from your environment influencing how you feel? In my experience, anxiety can also be the way your psyche, your subconscious mind,  your soul, is trying to get your attention. If you have not been living in integrity (aligning your thoughts and behaviours with your values) you may get a response that lives in your body. This could also be framed as your intuition sending you guidance in a way that feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable. The tendency we all have is to either ignore this, or interpret it as something being wrong. What would happen if we ‘leaned into it’, allowing time for kind, compassionate introspection?

Five Ways to Relate to our Anxiety Differently:

1.      Take time in your day to feel your feet on the floor and take a few deep breaths.

2.      Notice where you are holding tension in your body. Are there any worry thoughts that go with this tension?

3.      Has there been stress, small, or epic that you have perhaps distracted yourself from?

4.      Take a kind, compassionate stance toward yourself and your experience.

5.      Connect to your breath, releasing the tension in your body on your outbreath, and center into being in this moment rather than projecting your fear into the future.